Joan Marie's Sacred Days of the Autumnal Equinox 2020, The Lonely Dreamer Tarot

[Joan Marie]

I have chosen to use a recently aquired deck called The Lonely Dreamer. It is from Canadian artist Melissa Wotherspoon.
Melissa's other decks are original artworks by her but with this deck she did something a little different. She adapted the art of Odilon Redon to the tarot. And she does it beautifully with a great deal of thought. The images are in no way randomly applied. She seeks to invoke a sense of reverie for the reader.
The cards are mostly dark like Redon's work, but dark in colour not in meaning.

I've always liked Redon's work and these cards will I think spark an inner dialog. In any case it jumped out to me to greet this change of season.
So here I go!

[Joan Marie]

Day 1 18.9. Ludi magni games - Roman games in honour of the god Jupiter, celebrated with circus performances. This card reflects the spirit of celebration in your life, and how you can bring more joy and playfulness to yourself and others.

L' Ombre

In addition to the 78-cards of the Tarot, Melissa has included a few extras and I pulled one of those today.
L' Ombre, The Shadow.

What an interesting image to depict the shadow. What a way to start this series of readings!

As it relates to Jupiter and the Roman celebration, it makes sense that some introspection, some shadow work, could make my heart lighter, free up some negative energy that casts a darkness.

I can see I'm in for an interesting 12 days ahead with this. Greeting the onset of autumn by clearing away some debris seems very appropriate. Very on-point.

I'm really glad already that I have chosen this deck.

[Joan Marie]

Day 2 19.9. Day of Our Lady of La Salette - an apparition of the Christian Mother of God/Holy Virgin. She brings message of hope to humanity. Where is your personal source of hope and spirituality?

XIII Death

Death as a personal source of hope and spirituality. Interesting.

Without going into it here because the experience was extremely personal, Death has played a very strong role in my understanding of life's purpose. I have a very strong sense that at the time of death, there isn't any judgement, no weighing of good or bad deeds. I think at the time of death we totally detach from everything, even the sense of self. Or not. The ease or difficulty one has detaching, becoming nothing (one with everything) is the only thing that determines the kind of death we experience.

My understanding of this feeling of complete nothingness/oneness is my source of hope and spirituality.

It's nice to be reminded of this.

[Joan Marie]

Day 3 20.9. Sedna, Inuit Goddess of the Sea - This card asks you to address your fears and shadows before the winter comes, like the Inuit did in their Sedna festival.

Page of Pentacles

I just read about the legend of Sedna. It's really sad. She was betrayed and abused. Surrounded by people not worthy of her. In an attempt by her father to murder her to save himself from her abusive husband, she became the Goddess of the Sea and mother to all the creatures of the sea.

This card has an appropriate darkness, half the body and one hand sort of disintegrated into a deep deep blue.
The background wooden part reminds me of the boat Sedna's father threw her from, beating her fingers with the paddle till they broke off her hands and she fell to the bottom of the icy arctic sea.

Besides the obvious physical pain, the psychological pain of betrayal, of having her own humanity so disregarded, is deeply wounding.

It's a reminder, a message, about letting go of past hurt. Understand that those who hurt you were weak. It was their problem and nothing really personal which is the hardest thing to accept, to realise the meaning of. We internalise the pain others cause us and this is a huge mistake. Maybe this is what forgiveness means. Being able to say, "I know you didn't mean to hurt me, you're just a horrible and weak creature. Good luck with that."

Or something like that. The point is to find a way to let go, keep the lessons of the pain but not the pain itself.

[Joan Marie]

Day 4 21.9. Eleusinia - an ancient Greek holiday, commemorating Demeter and Persephone. She has to leave the world of of growth and abundance and descend to the realm of death. This card reflects grief, sadness and the traces of tears in your life. Acknowledge and honour them.

The Magician

In this card the Magician stares into a cauldron of skulls, faces, floating.
In the background there seems to be a ghostly image with some swirling colors.
The magician is a very dark figure surrounded by darkness.

It's a strange image.

There's a real feeling of death in this card. But it's the Magician. Sometimes called the Alchemist. In alchemy Death is part of the process, a stage in transformation. Not an end.

I tend to think that we are shaped more by failure and sadness than we are by success and happiness. I'm not certain why that is. It's almost like sadness, grief, failure, put the edge to things, and give life form.

As much as we try, there is no way to escape the sadness of life. But we can learn to use it. To acknowledge how it gives us our depth and sharpens our instincts and our senses. How it makes us able to understand ourselves and others.

I think we are taught by modern society to hide our depth. Not let it show. But it is what makes us beautiful. And we have to learn to let others show theirs, without shame or embarrassment.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

I have a friend who posts selfies of all her moods. When she's tired, angry, in physical pain (she has a lot of that from an injury) bored, scared (she lives in fire country), grief-stricken, nostalgic, and also happy, in love, etc. Really everything. She has a lot of things in her life. We all do.

I have another friend who posts selfies and they all look exactly the same. She's very pretty and just posts her smiling pretty face all the time.

I'm vain enough that I don't like most pics of myself, but I think it's because I have this mistaken idea that pics always have to be flattering or something. I'm always trying to look "good" instead of just looking like myself in whatever mood or state I happen to be in.

I know I have sort of strayed from the intention of today's reading but I guess I am trying to find the connection between how we experience sadness and difficulty and how we make it part of what we show the world. Why do we try and hide it? For what? For whom?

I think it's time. I'm tired of seeing so many pics of smiling people with nice food. Show me your soul. And I will try to show you mine.
This is something I really want to work on.

[Joan Marie]

Day 5 22.9. Meditrinalia - an ancient Greek holiday honoring the goddess of healing. Think about your healing process and how you can continue it. Where do you draw strength from? How can you heal and nurture yourself in the future? Pamper yourself today and close these twelve days of introspection with healing thoughts.


I just looked up Meditrinalia and I see that it is a festival to celebrate the new vintage, the grape harvest.
A few years ago I was in Crete and the evening we arrived in the tiny village where we stayed there was a festival like this. It was September.
I think the entire village was there. It was such a warm event held in a tiny town square with lights strung between trees. It felt like going back in time. No one was on a phone. Little kids and dogs and cats running around everywhere. Old people sitting together drinking and laughing.

Everything was free, the food, the drink, everything.
Can you imagine? We were at the start of a holiday and to be greeted that way was so unexpected. I mean normally as a tourist everyplace you go just wants to turn you upside down and shake all the money out of your pockets. This place was like it had never heard of capitalism.

Throughout the holiday, we would sometimes sit outside at a little bar having a drink and they would bring little snacks to the table and when we went to leave we'd be told that someone else had paid for us. Some old guy who we had been talking to. The day before I left one of them gave me a present of komboloi beads which he had tried to show me the trick of playing with. I was going to buy some as a souvenir, but I got them as a gift instead.

Anyway, here is a picture I took at the festival. It's a bunch of little kids stomping grapes in a barrel.

And so now to draw a card:

9 of Pentacles

Take pleasure in what is right in front of me. In what I already have and not worry about what I don't have yet.
That's what this dark figure standing in the woods next to a crow (there are crows outside my door right now making all kinds of noise!) looking down on a beautiful spray of colour, says to me.

[Joan Marie]

Day 6 23.9. Autumn Solstice - Libra - Mabon - the day of perfect equilibrium. A day for two cards. What is growing in your life, what is decreasing? This two-card reading reflects the balance of your energies and, if there is imbalance, what you need to address.

Knight of Wands, Queen of Swords

So strange this draw.
Both figures on horses (only one is a Knight) and both horses going (pulling) opposite directions.

And both horses are rearing back, as if reluctant to progress forward.
Are the riders pulling them backward?

Been staring at these a while now..
One in darkness, one in light. One on the ground, one in the clouds.
Fire and Air.

I have a tendency to relate my readings to how I feel or what I am going through at the time of the reading. But this reading, and these cards, call for a bigger approach. There is something fundamental here I am meant to understand.

These energies (will) seem to be balanced, but not pulling in the same direction. They are in opposition instead of complimenting each other. They should be running off together, full speed ahead, the Queen and her Knight.

I have to think about this one some more. (any suggestions are very welcome!)

[Joan Marie]

Day 7 24.9. Brazil holiday of Maiso, mother goddess - what is the role of your mother in your life, how do you mother yourself/father yourself? Reflect on the maternal/paternal archetypes within yourself, and how you can make them work for you, not against you.


What a coincidence. I'm in kind of hurry now because I've been on a 2+ hour long skype call with my son and his girlfriend.
So now to draw a card:

The World

That says it all, doesn't it?
A mother brings a child into the world. The world is the gift the mother gives. Literally.

[Joan Marie]

Day 8 25.9. Greek holiday Pyanopsia - Thanksgiving for the fruits of the sun. Wind white or purple wool around a laurel or olive branch, and hang or arrange fruit around it. These don't have to be actual fruit - you can write on a paper things that you are grateful for. What is the fruit of your past action, ripening now?

Such a good question!

And such a strange card!

7 of Wands

I'm not sure this points to any specific past action, maybe a more general effort to stand my ground about how I want to do things. I am starting to feel the benefit of that.

There are so many forces these days that want to tell us not only what to do, but how to do it, and how to feel about it. And this has gotten more difficult. Like everyone, I am sorting through my life, my actions and motivations, etc.

And I have made errors.

But I am willing to allow myself the time and space to learn, pardon the term, authentically. And I am learning that by not being pushed, or rather not allowing myself to be pushed (people are pushing) my development and understanding is deep, meaningful and real and much more effective in every way than if I simply followed a crowd. Most of the errors I've made were in trying to respond to pressure and not communicating well. I'm proud I didn't cave in, but I wish I'd handled it better a couple of times.

In any case, I am beginning to feel the results. I'm becoming more confident in my own beliefs and hopefully better able to communicate and to execute on them. I am also glad that I have not ended up as I see many others have who, with the best of intentions, kinda screwed themselves and limited their own potential, and at times, kinda burnt themselves out revealing the shallowness and temporary nature of their efforts.

So I see this single person on the horse, standing up to the crowd and I know the loneliness of it, how misunderstood it is. How much of what we do isn't widely seen, but has a profound effect nonetheless. And that's all that matters.

[Joan Marie]

Day 9 26.9. Holiday of Neptune - This is a card about anger and anger management. Contemplate about how you deal with negative feelings. Is there a way to tranform negative energies into positive ones, making your anger pull your carriage and drive you on?

Oh my! I just finally got to pulling this card because I have been so pissed off all day I didn't want to touch my cards and now I see this day's reading is about anger! That's pretty funny.

Real quick, we have 2 very tall, very dead trees in our garden that we had to cut down- everybody said we did. We wanted to leave them for the birds and squirrels and insects but we got convinced by others that they had to go. Today the tree cutter showed up and we were watching as he lopped off the top of the tallest tree and it fell directly on our beautiful, graceful 50 year old magnolia tree and took out half of it right before our eyes.

It was excruciating. We were nearly in tears and I actually felt sick. My boyfriend's grandmother had planted that tree. He was in a kind of shock at the sight of it.

Well, some hours have passed and we are calmer now. The magnolia isn't dead, just mangled. Hopefully it survives the winter with it's injuries. We put some stuff on the wounds.

I was really hating the world, angry that we listened to the people who said we had to cut the trees, angry at the friend who recommended the tree guy, feeling homicidal at the tree guy (a really nice man actually - he felt pretty awful.)

Mad at the world so full of opinions and advice. Mad at us for listening.

As I said, much calmer now. It's still hard to look at the poor tree. We were sad to lose the dead trees (they were also beautiful, even dead) so the unexpected loss of a healthy tree was a weird shock.

So now for my card:

3 of Cups

3 people in a garden! Ha!
Well, the first thing that comes to mind is the importance of a sense of humour.

They also appear to be drinking. I would not recommend that during the angry phase, but it might help later. Not necessarily drinking but something relaxing to get my head into a different space so I can look at the incident from a different perspective.

It's one thing you learn as you get older, to hold your reactions. I was glad we didn't freak out on the guy. After the incident, he worked for hours finishing the trees and chopping and stacking all the wood and cleaning up all the mess. He worked really hard and I was glad we hadn't made things worse by yelling or getting too emotional. I'd feel really bad now if we had. It would have also made everything worse and created more bad memories around the whole thing, bad vibes in our beloved garden.

(Inside the house was different- we were saying a lot of things! but none directly to the guy. thank goodness.)

What a day. What a reading. What a card.

[Nemia]

Oh, I'm sorry for the trees. Be kind to the magnolia. Some people say that trees rejuvenate when they are cut back strongly - it's like a storm.

I dare not make my reading for today because yesterday I was really REALLY angry. And a patient cow who all of a sudden turns into a wild bull is a ridiculous spectacle. I'll probably do it tomorrow morning....

[Joan Marie]

Day 10 27.9. Vendémiaire - month of the grape harvest in the French revolutionary calendar month. Raise your glass to your big and small achievements in the last year, either with wine or grape juice, and enjoy your success.


I just drew the Today's Card for the home page of this forum and I got "Fortuna" (wheel of fortune) and wrote about success and failure. Then came here and see that it is the topic of today's reading.

Well let's see what card I pull:

The Star

I love these colours.
The booklet with this deck says about the star that it is a sign of hope, just enough to know that things are going to be okay.
That would describe my successes of this year pretty well. Nothing rousing or overwhelming (by any means) but just enough to know that the next thing also might just work. It's been just enough to keep me going and I suppose that's the most I could ask for.

[Joan Marie]

Day 11 28.9. Maha Navami - a Hindu holiday celebrating goddess Durga's victory over a demon. Part of the celebrations is chanting. Reflect on a victory you want to win over the next three months, and devise a chant for it. Write it down where you can see it and envision the joy you will feel when you reach this goal.

Wow! What a powerful yet serene image. Bright and positive, a bit uncharacteristic of this deck, the bright part anyway.
I love that combination.

I will reflect on a victory I wish to achieve and write a chant for it.
I love that idea.
But I will do it in private.

[Joan Marie]

Day 12 29.9. Rosh HaShana - beginning of the Jewish New Year. It's a Jewish custom to send greetings and good wishes to people in your life. Use this day to focus on the people who are important to you, what you can do to strengthen your ties to them, and contact at least one person you have neglected lately.

I remember this from last year. I called my ex mother in law. A dear sweet lady who passed away last February, thankfully before COVID hit so her loved ones could be near.
I think I know who I will call today.

I can't take a pic of the card right now because my phone is updating.

Judgement.
Interesting how this sort of goes with the idea of my "Today's card" on the homepage.

I think sometimes (a lot??) I create a lot of drama in my head about people. Probably as a way to avoid getting close or having anything expected of me like visits and phone calls and appointments. I'm not as bad as I used to be. I've grown up some.

I think to get closer to people I have to just let them be who they are, and same with myself. Judgements and expectations just get in the way.

My phone is done updating and here is the beautiful card: