LEN: Rachelcat reads for Joan Marie

[Rachelcat]

Hi! Thanks for leading us again! I can't wait to see your fictive question! (I'm still working on mine . . .)

[Joan Marie]

Hi! Thanks for leading us again! I can't wait to see your fictive question! (I'm still working on mine . . .)

Sorry for the delay in posing a question but as a single mother living in 1950's New York City and struggling to get by selling poetry and publishing a handmade monthly literary journal, it seems like I am late for everything!

Here is my dilemma: I was about to settle in for a cozy lazy evening with my kids when the neighbour came by and told me there was a phone call for me. (We all share a phone in the hallway of the building.)
It was a friend of mine inviting me over. It seems Kerouac is in town and everybody is getting together later for a spontaneous party. All the great writers of my generation will be there, in one place, for what promises to be an unforgettable evening. It's a once in a lifetime chance for me, or for anybody really.

I called everyone I knew to see if someone could watch my kids for me so I could go. On a Saturday night on short notice, I was having no luck at all. Then, finally, a dear, dear friend agreed to do it but only on the condition that I promised to be home by 11pm. She had important plans for the evening and was really only doing this out of friendship.

I gave her my word I would be home by 11:00. It was better than nothing and I so appreciated her help.

Well, I'm at the party now. It's been more than I even expected. Ginsberg is here. Corso, Ferlinghetti, Burroughs. The conversation is lively and fascinating. I'm really getting in with this bunch and I couldn't be more thrilled.

But it is now 10:30pm. The evening is just getting started and yet, I just announced I have to leave, that I promised my babysitter I'd be home.

Kerouac said from across the room, "You'll never be a great writer as long as you're worried about babysitters."

I have a choice: Keep my word to a friend or stay and take this evening, this experience, for myself, for my career as a writer.

My question? What should I do?

[Rachelcat]

First of all, I have to say I had a very strong 21st century judgy reaction to this question! Which does come through a bit (ok, a lot!) in the reading, so we might as well get to it!

Tower, Snake, Gentleman, Book, Whips

In my last several readings, I always seem to start with the middle card (even though I deal them left to right). That’s just where the weight is. Same here.

On the face of it, a man is urging you to betray (snake) your friend, jeopardizing your stable relationship (tower) for the sake of your literary ambitions (book). This will end in tears (whips).

Further (here’s the judgy part!), he is betraying you by saying that you can only be a writer if you act like a man, giving up everything, including family and friend relationships, for your ambition. (Even though, if you do, then you won’t have, like many men do, a partner around to pick up the pieces of your life that you’ve intentionally or thoughtlessly broken.) And this isn’t thoughtful advice on his part, it’s just the reflexive spewing of male privilege from the closed book of unexamined accepted common ideas of society.

If this makes you mad, which it should, the cards give you further, deeper advice: Instead of accepting being betrayed (snake) by the way things are (closed book), be someone who tries to break down (whips) the massy walls (tower) of misogyny (snake+man) with both your work and how you live your life.

How’s that for advice??!!

Thank you for the interesting and emotionally engaging question!

[Joan Marie]

How’s that for advice??!!

Thank you for the interesting and emotionally engaging question!

Wow! Cool reading! I really love that.

I also tend to start with the middle card and see the left and right as little stories of their own. Yes she was in a man's world for sure.

I can't believe you drew the book and the whip together. That message is so clear it could just be written in words.
And that snake is really perfect too.

On the face of it, a man is urging you to betray (snake) your friend, jeopardizing your stable relationship (tower) for the sake of your literary ambitions (book). This will end in tears (whips).

Yup. That's all I can say. It's a perfect assessment of the situation. A crystal clear reading.

But when a person is in a situation like that, it doesn't seem so clear.

I got the story from an autobiography of the beat poet, Diane Di Prima, Recollections on my Life as a Woman.

She is, BTW, 85 years old now. Kerouac didn't see age 50.

That part of the story always stuck with me ever since I read it 20 years ago. It was a true dilemma for her. But her logic told her that she had given her friend her "word." And if her "word" was no good, then what kind of a writer would she be? She was in the "word" business. She left the party and kept her promise to her friend.

I've always been moved by that logic.

I can easily see how a person, especially with a bit of alcohol in them on a sparkly evening like that, could make the other choice. Easily. But the cards are so clear; staying would have been a huge mistake.

I am astounded at how perfect the cards were and at how clearly you interpreted them.

I honestly can see no other way to see them. Had she listened to Kerouac and betrayed her friend, the result could have been devastating for her. And though she could not have known at the time (or maybe she could) no woman was ever going to compete on an even level with those guys anyway. Her only choice was to make her own way, which she did, on her own terms.

Had she chosen to stay that night, she would not only have betrayed her friend, she would have betrayed herself. And for a woman like her with so much integrity, so intelligent, that could have ended her.

Brilliant reading! Thank you!