Cult of Tarot Forum

Here's a thread.

I am attempting to do school right now as I feel completely trapped. This is what happens when artistic types have too many kids too young and don’t stop. We have little access to education, cultural experiences or the like. I am applying for a job within my district that would require a longer commute but would take me from an area that can feel unsafe. (Might require a love though). I am completely fed up with my situation. Adult kids who are little help around the house or with the minor sibling, although I pay their bills and work full time. I am often exhausted and find myself angry and irritable with frequency. I’m generally a very happy and kind person but this is less and less the norm. I recently started attending a six week course with all women just to play with spirituality. It’s three hours a week that I get to myself, sort of. My question is this. What do I need to do for myself to get on track with what I am meant to be doing and to feel better about my life? As you can see, I’m not one to hold back. I know two people from this forum in person and truly don’t feel the need to hide.

So, as I see it, you've asked two questions. One about getting back on track (externalities) and one about feeling better (internalities). Is there one that you would prefer me to focus on. I'm a little pressed for time these days, so if/when I have a chance, I'm just going to do whichever one feels right at the moment if I haven't heard back yet. In theory I'm delighted to do both, and I might, but like I said, I'm having a little difficulty getting everything fulfilled right about now.

I'm sorry to hear that your feeling frustrated.


ETA: I had a moment and drew for "What can Victoria do to get herself onto a better track?" Will write up ASAP. Will also try to do the feelings question but i can't promise.

ETA x2: I had a moment and also drew for the feelings question. The answers seem interrelated, but this reading will be a little bit more tricky or a write-up.

I wish we were able to be at the same table talking about this! I feel like there's a lot in here that we could do a better job of unpacking together than I could on my own. I'm getting real frustrated trying to write this out clearly. I'm getting the connections but not articulating them to my satisfaction.

How Can V get herself onto a better track in life? (House of the Guiding Star)
Fool-Lovers-Hanged Man




What is a significant source of impediment for V? (Ace + Pip)
Ace of wands + 3 of Cups

What is a way for her to circumvent that impediment? (Ace + Pip)
Ace of cups + 7 of Coins



How can V feel better about her life? (Pyramid spread from Jan. TdM Circle)
Hermit
High Priestess - Empress
Queen of Pentacles - King of Pentacles - Four of Cups
Base Card: Lovers

For this, I used the Victorian Romantic Tarot


Seeing the initial three cards, my first thought was this: You're going to have to choose what to give up on. You've clearly got a lot of balls that you're juggling and seem to feel frustrated and overwhelmed keeping everything running smoothly. You're going to have to let some of these balls drop in order to be able to properly excel at the others and/or to allow some space for something new.

That may be all there is to it. But you know I like to take the opportunity to go overboard. I did three more readings, one with a modern deck.

Looking at the other readings and seeing what themes get reinforced, I might restate the previous interpretation. Choosing what to give up on might be solid advice, but it does sound a little defeatist. What's really being said, I think, is that you need to do more to actively, perhaps even aggressively, prioritize your needs and do more to put yourself first. I also think that there's a message to take the job with the longer commute if that's possible.

After the first reading, I asked two follow-up questions by paring an Ace + a pip. First, What is a significant source of impediment for V getting on that track? Wands energy + 3 of Cups. The 3 of Cups would almost certainly refer to your family. As a whole, this seems like a clear description of your home situation: a battle of wills among the family that's sapping your energy. You aren't able to get your children to do what you want them to and what you think is fair given that they're adults living under your roof. That's got to suck.

Ace of Cups as part of the solution makes perfect sense. You want to feel better about it after all. So feel better by doing 7 of Coins type things. I hate 7s. I never know what they mean. So, I'll tell you what this means. In the 7 of Coins, that central coin is somewhat detached from the rest of the goings on and is protected by that wall surrounding it. You need to carve out space for yourself independent of their shenanigans, detach a bit, and don't let them affect you as much. This seems to reflect The Hanged Man in the first line, based on the tradition that sees him as someone with his own unique perspective and position in the world. Give yourself some room to hang, as it were.

So how can you feel better about your life? You've gotten a lot of hard cards in these readings, no doubt. Hanged Men and Hermits and dour looking courts. In fact, I think that Four of Cups at the bottom of this spread says it all. There probably isn't going to be a great deal of joy coming out of this situation in the near future but that doesn't mean things can't improve. The Four is a highly structured number and feeling numb but stable is a definite improvement on feeling overwhelmed and out of control. The image on this Four depicts a fairly ritzy scene. This in combination with the Pentacle cards likely refers to your job. We'll come back to this.

As a reminder about the Pyramid Spread: card 1 = the situation cards 2+3 = the dynamic at play, cards 4-6 = a solution/way forward/resolution. 1+5 often shows a hidden dynamic at play.

I must say that I was very moved by your description of your situation. I'm just about the same age as you, so I'm definitely right there with you when you write about the ways in which you see your current problems as the outcome of things that happened 20+ years ago when one either didn't know any better or couldn't do any better. Given all that, I think it's an important detail that this deck's Hermit honors the card's early historical connections to Chronos and the passing of time. He has an hourglass instead of a lantern.

Similarly, I see strong visual connections between your description and this paring of the High Priestess with The Empress. First and foremost, of course, we see two sides of you represented (both of which you mentioned in your question): your spirituality and your role as a mother (this is a super-maternal Empress card). There's so much more than that though. I'm not sure if you can see it in the photo, but, on this Empress card, the left side of the card is significantly lighter than the right. It's almost as if the image is fading-in or coming into focus. When paired with this HP card, it looks like this idealized image is forming out of the brazier smoke.

Looking at these three cards then, we have a Hermit getting caught up in reflecting rather than acting, who sits rather than walks. These reflections lead to a series of fantasies about what might have been and regrets about the situation as it is. Somehow, your spiritual work is tied up into this whole dynamic, either as a catalyst for these reflections, a reaction to them, or both.

The third line answers the question of how this can play out in a way that will make you feel better about your life, although that Four of Cups is a reminder that, in the short term at least, better does not necessarily equal good. We talked about the four of cups as a good outcome for you, at least in the short term. How do we get there?

Reading those bottom three cards as a linear progression, we see the queen sitting in place, followed by the king who moves towards the outcome (four of cups). So, to move forward, you need to stop being the queen of pentacles and start acting like that king of pentacles. The queen is receptive and reactive, the queen of pentacles, like the hermit, contemplates. The king actively asserts and initiates the desired change. Like the Lover, he makes the decisions. Like the Hanged Man, he sees the world through his own eyes first and foremost. It seems to me then that the cards are saying that you need to take a more active roll in what you're going to do and what you're going to accept. Like the Hanged Man and the 7 of Coins, these cards are demanding that you assert your will and prioritize yourself first and foremost. Per the Four of Cups, doing this won't make you happy per se, but it will likely quell much of the chaos that you feeling.

I think that the 'hidden factor' (1+5) supports this by drawing an explicit connection between the Hermit and the King of Pentacles. The hermit sits, the king rides. Kings take action, this hermit wonders about the past. BUT...you, as the hermit, can get from here to there. The Hermit also has a scythe. He is capable of action, he just has to choose to take it. History will always be there but it doesn't have to stop us from making change in the present. Yet another Lovers card appears as the base of the Victorian Romantic, further emphasizing the need to take active measures.

Seeing this, I might want to reword my interpretation of the 7 of Coins. Think about it as actively carving out a space for what it is that you want and vigorously protecting it from the pressures surrounding you. Additionally, the idea of protecting your interests a bit + the money aspect of the coins might be suggesting that you cut your older kids off a little bit. It might be human nature on their part to take what they can get, but when one gets less then one has to do more, almost by definition. I'd be more on board with this idea if it were the Ace of Swords here instead of the Cups, but I thought I'd throw it out there. Perhaps you are just meant to be a benevolent, under-appreciated monarch.

Regarding your work, obviously pentacles connect to work and, in the image on the King card, we see him travelling, unlike the queen, who's sitting still. This is why I think the cards are suggesting that part of moving forward can involve that longer commute which you referred to.

So here's my preliminary summary:

• Four of cups = a more stable emotional place as an outcome
• That place is reached by modulating your Queen qualities into King qualities.
• In the first spread, Lovers in the house of the chariot suggests that moving forward (chariot) is going to require actively choosing (lovers). This reinforces the instruction to adopt a King-like attitude.
• Your 'solution' cards are predominantly coin/pentacles based

We still haven't fully accounted for how that High Priestess card connects your spiritual practices to this whole suite of problems you're facing. Really, the only time I see spirituality coming up here is in the pyramid's description of your current dynamic. And it's clear that you're using these classes etc. as a way, like the 7 of coins suggests, to carve out a little space for yourself away from the family. All those coin and pentacle cards make me wonder, though if —in the short term—you might want to also focus a little more on the physical and material aspects of life as a means of counter-balancing what ails you. Not to be crass, but with the king and queen pairing up and all of these lovers cards, an alternative reading is that maybe you just need to go get laid.

Well done CB! The part about getting laid has me laughing pretty hard! Nothing cras in that, sometimes a gal just needs a piece of ass.

What occurs to me in response to pentacles and lack of cards denoting spiritual life is Maslow's Hierarchy of Human Needs. Until we have the base level needs like security, safety, and bodily needs taken care of, we cannot pursue things like social connection, self-actualization and the like. The other thing that occurs to me is how literal these cards can be. If I apply for and get this job I will be working within the same district in a similar but more money-related role. I will also be less involved with students which I know will be hard for some of those students and for my department.

I currently work as a financial aid administrator. I administer several financial aid programs at my school: scholarships, federal aid, etc and I have a lot of contact with students. If I move into this other role, I will be in the accounting department. Rather than disbursing funds to students, I would be reconciling funds district wide, ordering funds for students, etc. In my lifetime, I never did imagine I would be a business woman, other than possibly for the purpose of pushing my art or writing. And I certainly did not see myself as a bean counter. But those pentacles sure seem to be saying otherwise This is kind of funny since I am a Taurus.

I have had to crack down on several things at home. I have had to repeatedly express my expectation to the roomies (adult kids) and sometimes this feels like a drag as it will slip if I am not on them daily. I am having to learn that telling the truth is not "being mean." I have blown my top a few times which is not pretty so I have had to work to find a balance.

Determining and protecting my priorities are something I have been working at as of late. You described that pretty well. I want to become a teacher, an elementary school teacher. I have 36 units toward a sociology degree. I went back full-time at 42 while working full-time, made an honor society, and then starting dropping my balls due to emotional issues my kids were struggling with. I met with a counselor/friend at work today. Tomorrow I am working a career and financial aid fair and this counselor told me that a specialist in the teacher credential program, from the four year that I want to attend, will be at this fair. She believes it is a sign. I don't think she is wrong. I may be 50 by the time I get credentialed but there are areas in California that are offering very nice incentives for teachers to move to their rural areas and teach. I just love educating people so I'm not too concerned about where I do that. And I rather like the idea of being home after school for my youngest, while she goes through her teens. She's only eight now but I think you get the idea.

I don't think there is a more important job out there than educating others. I have always been one of those people who, once I get knowledge, feels compelled to share it. I love to watch the lights come on.

Action is absolutely key. Choosing to actively live the solution rather than passively dwell on the issues is always a better stance.

As for getting laid, that would be great if I didn't have to involve folks who felt something about it or risk safety. C'est la vie.

Thanks again,

Victoria