TdM Charlie Brown reads for Joan Marie

[Charlie Brown]

Hi Joan Marie,

Do you have a question for the spread?

[Joan Marie]

Hi Joan Marie,

Do you have a question for the spread?

I think this past present future spread would be very appropriate for a question about me and my son. I will be seeing him in March while I am visiting the states. We talk a lot via skype, which feels real but we often joke that we experience each other as electronic bits and bytes. We haven't been around each other IRL in a very long time. I will also be meeting his girlfriend for the first time.

We have a lot of history, a lot of present and hopefully a lot of future. I'm really looking forward to the visit, but I find myself feeling nervous about it too.

If this isn't too vague, could you have a look and tell me what I should be prepared for, or maybe how I can best prepare myself for this very important visit? I want it to go well. I want it to end well. I want it to be meaningful. I want it to be fun.

Thanks Charlie Brown. Please take your time.

[Charlie Brown]

This strikes me as an intriguing draw, but one that I feel will likely require a lot of sitter input instead of my normal sage-like pronouncements. I've written up my initial thoughts, but they may be totally off base without more input from you. I feel that the cards themselves are probably pretty good though.

I phrased the question as: What is the dynamic between JM and her son?

2 of Wands — Death — 2 of Deniers
5 of Wands — 6 of Deniers — The Sun
9 of Swords —Justice — 4 of Swords

In the first row, the two 2s lead me to think that you found yourself at odds. Death moving from your side to his suggests to me that you were an opposing will (2W) that threatened or disrupted either some kind of material plans or else just his general balance (2D). I derive "plans" from an extrapolated use of the term investment. That is 2Deniers as "something he was invested in".

In the present, the second row does seem to match your description of the situation. He's doing well, as shown by The Sun. The second figure in that card may represent the new girlfriend and the happiness their sharing. Between the two of you, the 6 of Deniers shows a certain balance and harmony. As a coin, this tells me that the current state of affairs exists primarily on his own terms. As the 5 of Wands, you may feel that you have to clamor for a bit of recognition/attention and/or that your own sense of what the relationship should/could be isn't being particularly accommodated.

I do notice a bit of a rhyme between the one of those 2 coins and the sun. I wonder if there's a level at which he feels that his current happiness depends on any distancing that he may have done after this conflict, if there was one.

Looking to the future, you each appear as swords. At the very least, this seems to suggest that you're starting to get on the same page. 4 of swords could indicate that he's ready to put some things to rest as part of a new start to things offered by Judgement. I wonder if the three human figures in the card represent the two of you and the new girlfriend. Perhaps she provides some kind of opportunity to jump start the relationship.

9 of Swords is a tricky card for me to understand here. Like I said, I think you and he appearing as the same suit is important. As for you... with the 9S, I usually think of it as a very constraining card. I notice that the sword is held tight rather than let loose as Death's blade was in the past. Perhaps you'll have to refrain from doing whatever you did when you were 5W + XIII. If I were going to engage in the kind of intuitive predictions that you know I disdain, I'd say that you're going to simultaneously dislike the new girlfriend but also realize that she's good for him. The extent to which you can positively incorporate yourself into their dynamics as a couple and possibly emerging family is the extent to which you'll be included in the flourishing pictured in the Four of Swords. Again, I don't have enough context to be comfortable about most of this.

By all means, let's discuss if you're game.

[BreathingSince72]

Charlie,

Do you think the Sun could represent a bright spot in the trip? Not just location but positive experiences with other? Or am I looking at this line and column incorrectly?

Thanks,

BreathingSince72

[Charlie Brown]

Anything's possible. I'm understanding the sun card as describing his current state. I suppose it could be less his general state and more potential excitement over her visit. Either way though, I think that 6 is likely indicating things happening on his terms. That's important, because if the current relationship dynamic exists more or less within the boundaries that he sets, that makes that 9 of Swords something of a warning to keep that sword in checks and not make the kind of cuts that we saw in the death card. As I said though, that's what I'm seeing in the cards but, really, there's way too much missing context for me to do anything more solid than to tease out the structures in the draw. For example, the pair of twos doesn't necessarily mean there's some kind of conflict, it could be that the were two peas in a pod, but that changed when he moved away. But, my initial impression was a more conflict oriented interpretation because of both the death card and that I usually think about the 2 of Wands as suggesting that there's something that could have gone differently (the crossroads aspect).

I wouldn't say it's a bright spot "in the trip," like you suggest though because 1) the trip hasn't happened yet, so would be part of the 3rd row/future row and 2) since the trip would involve both of them, I'd imagine such a deliniation would need to fall in the center column. Also, 3), I didn't actually ask about the trip itself, just the relationship.

[Joan Marie]

Anything's possible. I'm understanding the sun card as describing his current state.

First, Thank you so much. You can't imagine how spot on your reading is, even without the benefit of details. I appreciate Victoria's question too and your response. I know this wasn't an easy question and I appreciate so much your taking it on.

I'm going to try and respond to this without turning it into the therapy session I should have had years ago.

Firstly the 2 two's, yes we were peas in a pod. Inseparable and equals in every way. But something did happen, and then things changed between us. What followed was a lot of difficulty between us that took a long time to get past. This idea you mentioned of my "opposing will" thwarting him is, sadly, correct. I stupidly assumed an authoritarian role (filling a void that had been created I suppose) which had nothing to do with the relationship we'd had all along. He's basically allergic to being patronised in any way. Nobody likes that, but to get that from me was painful to him and he didn't accept it for a second and everything fell apart. And like you said, it negatively affected his plans in life.

So that first row is pretty intense for me. And accurate.

The second row, yes that sun does look like him and his girlfriend for sure. She is a major reason this trip is happening at all. She wants to meet me. She's excited for the stuff we have planned. My son adores her and seeing her this happy means everything to him. So her as the middle card makes a ton of sense. Me on the left, a bit nervous does too. But because she is so involved, I am much less nervous about my son, who as you so accurately stated, our relationship has been on his terms.

And this is the source of my concern, this 5 of wands, which is kind of my expectations of myself. I worry that I will make the same mistakes I have before, coming across as an authority instead of an equal, which would really suck. The truth is I am not an authority at all, especially not over him.

So again, what an amazing draw this is.

Last row the future.
Of course there is no way to know, but I would doubt that I won't like his girlfriend. She's wonderful. And so open to me. My son and I have always joked that I got along better with his girlfriends than I did him. He's very much in love with her and more serious than I've ever seen him.

Worst case scenario to me is I make a mistake I've made in the past and she of course would side with my son (I probably would too against myself). I feel like I'm the one who could mess this up. And it is amazing that my son and I are both swords here. Optimistically, I'd say Justice is that finally we have something like we did before our troubles, only a more mature version of it. But I feel like I need to get past something, some problem with myself that makes me say and do the wrong thing around him and then instantly regret it. And being nervous about it is usually exactly what causes it, isn't it? Like when your trying to look cool and then fall down the stairs?

I have to think about this. I feel like I've already used up our "hour" Dr. Brown. Unless you have some more insight to share, especcialy about that 3rd row.

I really can't thank you enough. I was very hesitant to ask such a personal and troubling question but now I am so glad I did.

[Charlie Brown]

Unless you have some more insight to share, especcialy about that 3rd row.

Well, I don't know about insight, but thinking it over again...

I do think the basic message of the third line is probably, like you said, get back to something more like what you had before. In the past line you were both twos and in the future line you're both swords. Judgement can easily speak to a new beginning but, unlike The World, which can the do the same, Judgement highlights the inflection point separating the old from the new. Probably the trip, possibly and event during it. The Four of Swords continues, I think to be a good card for your son, which quite possibly indicates him putting to rest these matters of the past.

The 9 of Swords is still the card that's least clear but, having read your feedback, I'm thinking that both it and the 5 of Wands have to do with your internal feelings and affect towards the situation. Understandably, I'm picking up a lot of anxiety from your tone. That's common to both 5W and 9S. The question wasn't explicitly designed to provide actionable advice, but keeping calm and relaxed could be a good inference from it. The situation itself looks generally favorable. Don't get in your own way but, if things get rough, keep that sword in check.

[Joan Marie]

Well, I don't know about insight, but thinking it over again...

I was thinking the card was Justice not Judgement. Judgement makes more sense. I like what you said also about the card being the inflection point between old and new.

On a really literal level I could say that being judgemental, a very unpleasant and insidious trait that runs in my family, is a big part of what has come between us in the past (and now literally in this spread) and it is maybe specifically this tendency that I need most to keep in check. I have worked a lot to even understand what it really is to be judgemental, and the role it has played in forming me. It's weird. It gets in the way, a lot. It really goes with what you said about my anxiety and getting in my own way.

This really gives me a really rich place to work from. Having a handle on such a specific thing to be aware of makes me feel far less anxious.

Thanks again.

[Charlie Brown]

I'm glad it was helpful. Yes, keeping your judgmental nature in check is probably a good takeaway, I agree.