First of all, English is not my native language (I speak finnish, and i am from finland), so there may be mistakes! I’m not sure how I would go about telling this thing, but I miss someone’s more experienced perspective. I have no connections in my life with anyone who would know about Tarot cards. It’s not like I share a lot on the internet either, I don’t own social media, other than for my art. So this feels very scary, but I really would like to hear about these cards I got.
I have owned these first tarot cards for only a short time, but I've noticed that - at least not yet - I do not feel at ease and easy to start the tarot decks according to the instructions on someone, which I found somewhere online. I just do what feels the best at the moment.
So I hope I haven’t misused the cards when one night I just randomly started talking to the universe and/or my spirit guide. I’ve been feeling really heavy and sad for years, i have lost hope, and I just let it all come, chattered about everything that came to mind, what felt bad, and told what I really missed in my life at the moment, I asked for advice on how to get ahead in life because I feel like I’m stuck.
I tell you this much that I have one friend, which is busy all the time, I see her maybe once every two months. I still live at home (would like to move like right now, but it is not possible if i don't have a job or school place), even though here in Finland many 19yo are already in my own homes (my friend too). I also have another - maybe even better - friend with whom I feel very similar, but she moved to America in the summer. Naturally, I am very grateful for this one friend that I have. However, I find myself almost overwhelmingly lonely.
I also don’t know what I would like to study, and I’m not in school right now and have 0 dreams to pursue. I haven’t found a job - in a small town - so the days seem to be repeating each other and life is very monotonous. I don't have much in my life, it feels like there are no colors in it, and no interesting experiences at all.
I have all the basics well, lovely family and just love the country I was born in! But I'm very bored and sad. I have a lot of childhood trauma that I have tried to go through (I was VERY ill as a child), but whenever I get silent and try to think, I start to cry uncontrollably. Even doing a simple relaxing meditation just makes me cry, every time..
So when I randomly started talking the other day, I stopped occasionally to shuffle the deck and looked at what cards I would get, one or two cards dropped almost immediately at a time. I figured out the purposes of the cards and almost every time I got an answer to the things I had talked about. However, some of the messages were tricky, and I can’t interpret all the cards as a whole. I’m not quite sure if overall energy is positive or negative. And that kind of message is on the cards as a whole?
It may not work out like this, I don't know if I can ask you to look at the cards and say what thoughts they evoke together, but I still want to try to seek help. I don't know if this is the right place for this, my message can be deleted if so. My question, in its simplicity, is, do you think it is hopeful? positive? What should I focus/pay attention on? Personally, I feel like I get many different vibes and I feel like my head is confused. Maybe this is clear as a day to someone more experienced than me, I hope to find that person here hah.. thank you.
Order that I got the cards: The Devil, Four of Cups, Knight of Wands, Three of Cups, Eight of Wands and Justice.
I had almost given up on that too. Now I just have to hope that it would be good one, because there really aren’t many jobs here. I don’t know where that place suddenly opened up? Will I finally have something to do? 